The Vox Hunt feature? I know I never used it, but I'll be sad to see it go.
I'm on a posting spree today. Probably because I had something I actually wanted to write about, but I haven't uploaded the corresponding picture for it. Anyway.
To wrap up the night.
(also what she said)
Who do you tell your secrets to?
Well....long ago I had a couple friends and a notebook. We'd pass around the notebook, write random crap in it, respond to each other's crap, and so on. But that's not how it started out. It was a very personal thing that I started to write my thoughts and feelings.
Shut up it's not a diary.
I wasn't in a particularly happy place, with life and even more with myself. I knew I could be a better person, but how, HOW? My theory was that if I wrote down what I was thinking I'd have a historical imprint of myself that I could look back on. I would see my mistakes not just in actions, but in personality.
I had a habit of over thinking things back then.
I'm not sure if that would have worked out or not, but as fate would have it the plan was ruined by a girl. Experiencing my first major...I don't want to call it a "crush". Let's see what the thesaurus has for me. Mmhmm. Yeah. That's a good one. I was infatuated with her. Went stupid in the head. Since that became the primary thing on my mind I started writing about that. Then, not feeling I could keep it to myself (but with no plans to tell the girl, that's crazy talk, right?) I told my friend about it. I showed him the notebook. It progressed from there.
Stuff happened. I haven't talked to anyone in the group for a few years. I don't think they talk to each other either.
Anyway, I used to have people to tell my secrets to. Can't trust people enough anymore. Instead what I know do is spread my secrets around. I only have one or two people I think I can truly confide in, but not with everything. By limiting my friends to one secret at a time nobody gets the entire story.
Of course if they started talking to each other that could be problimatic for me. Or at the very least interesting. There are some secrets I've told, however, which can never again see the light of day. Those I have to keep to myself now...
Oh c'mon. Like I really have anything to keep secret.
Summer is finally here! What are your plans?
...
Like. Now? Just now? It wasn't summer before? Really? You sure? It felt like summer. We even had the kick off of our Summer Reading Program at the library. Which we do in the summer. And what about the summer movie season? Are you telling me that Wolverine and Star Trek are not summer blockbusters? Just normal, non-summer movies? I question the validity of your statement Vox!
Anyway.
I don't have too many plans for this summer. But I'll make a list!
-Paint room (already did that)
-Continue the dejunkification project (working, almost done with that)
-Wallow in self pity (progress is good with that)
-Start working out (haven't started that)
-Get the thing out of my arm (you already saw that)
-Beat Gears of War 2 on Insane Mode (There's no shame in that)
-Start making dinner (Ashamedly behind on that)
-Get a good handle of my finances (In a good place to start because I'm at level zero for that)
-Complete my Adobe Classroom In a Book books (Actually close to finishing the first book of that)
-Drive anywhere (Some things need to be taken care of before I can do that)
-Find out about what I need to do for school (So many bad feelings when I think about that)
-Work on my 101 in 1001 list (Will be a long time before I finish that)
Really when you figure in my 101 list the possibilities for the summer multiply quite profusely.
That.
Last week when I went to the doctor to get that thing in my arm removed-
Oh by the way LOOKIT
Basically I'm the at the unhealthiest point in my life. The most unhealthy. I'm pretty dang not healthy. That needs to be dealt with.
And then today I found out how miserably poor I am. I always knew I was broke, but now I'm at the point where my savings and the credit card are at opposite extremes, and not in the good way. That needs to be dealt with too.
But this is exciting!
No I'm not crazy.
When people have bad times they usually acknowledge it without doing something about it. Because they always know it can get worse. Sometimes focusing on the positive side of things prevents you from being sufficiently motivated to make things better. And that's what I'm going to start doing is make things better.
What? No I'm not going to look for a second job yet.
...No. I'm not going to look into getting those classes. There's not a lot I can- well I know I should be- Yeah I should be cooking more at home to. And yes I should being trying to apply myself socially. Look I...no that-
You know what? Shut your face. I'm going work on one thing at a time.
I just finished Tess of the d’Urbervilles. I didn’t particularly enjoy it despite staying up late to finish it. I had hoped it would at least distract me from thoughts I’d rather not dwell on alone in the dark. Since it didn’t, I’m reluctant to go to sleep just yet. I was meaning to write this blog today anyway so here goes. One thirty in the morning seems a good frame of mind for it anyway.
Last night I looked through my June 2008 and 2007 posts. I was curious to see what was on my mind back then, to see if I have progressed based on the goals I made during the Junes past. Appropriately and amusingly I found that today is the one year milestone of my 101 in 1001 list. I know that’s not really irony, but it’s at least what everyone likes to call irony.
The short version is that on June 9th, 2009 I decided to make my life better. I took an idea from a friend’s Vox and created a list of 101 things I wanted to accomplish in 1001 days. I picked things I knew I would do, things I knew I needed to do, and things I never would think to do but just might if it meant crossing a number off the list. It was just an idea, a promise that nobody could hold me to. But it was progress for me. I was hopeful.
Then a month later everything fell apart and the list was no longer important.
I didn’t give up on it completely. It just wasn’t something I cared to consider at the time. Up until this early morning, when I took out the original pen on paper list, I had forgotten why I really put aside the list. There’s an item #102. It’s not really a part of the list but an inside joke. I had written the list while talking to a friend. I realize now a good many of the items were thought of because it was something we could do together. It’s too late now. But not for me. I’m still here. These were things that were important to me before, to say I don’t’ care about them anymore would be to say I don’t care about who I am. I’ll finish it.
Here’s the list, with items that I’ve completed or half completed marked out with a line. The rest of the week I’ll blog about the ones with lines. I won’t talk about the others, because I’d just be making excuses. At the bottom of the list I’ll write the completion percentage. I have until March 06, 2011 to finish. Think I can do it?
1. Find my path
2.
Read every book I own
3. Pay off credit card
4. Get a full-time job
5. Create an organizational method for computer/paperwork
6.
Come to terms with all regrets
7. Start cooking on a regular basis
8. Get down to 180
9. Beat every game you own.
10. Finish writing Outlaw of the Heart series
11. Own only clothes that fit
12. Move out of the house
13.
Get a driver’s license.
14. Establish an exercise routine
15. Become a better speller
16. Learn a programming language
17. Learn how to use Flash
18. Bike ride Mt. Charleston
19.
Take a self-portrait jumping into water
20.
Fill up three Moleskines
21. Graduate from NSC
22. Graduate from grad school
23. Take up archery
24. Visit the strip just before sunrise and take pictures
25. Go on a completely unplanned road trip to another state with a friend
26.
Record all home movies to dvd
27. Make a portfolio website
28. Relearn math
29. Relearn chemistry/other sciences
30. Try a new hairstyle
31.
Run the marathon in Arizona
32. Learn how to fix my car
33. Submit a design to Threadless
34. Start playing the saxophone again
35. Learn to play the harmonica
36.
Get to expert on Guitar Hero
37. Make this list into a book
38.
Yoga?
39. Build a computer
40. Go on a date
41. Start gardening
42. Win a poker game
43. Watch every Lost episode in one summer
44. Look suave for one night
45. Film “tape drop 3”
46. Bike ride around town
47. Steal Rick’s hat
48. Sell a design and/or picture
49. Wake up early every day
50. Play kick the can
51. Make a wind chime
52.
Fill bottle with pencil shavings
53. Buy a new bike
54. Draw “When Seth was a kid” comic
55. Go shopping at Ikea
56.
Create an art/computer workstation
57. Learn massage…stuff
58. Rate iTunes songs
59. See the ocean
60. Walk the tunnels at Lake Mead to the end
61. Duel with Ty
62. Compose a song
63. Learn to play guitar
64.
Take a ballroom dancing class
65. Sleep on the roof
66. Read Moby Dick
67. Start going to church again
68. Go to Florida
69.
See Amber
70. Cary Grant marathon
71. See three shows on the strip
72. Go to an art gallery
73.
Learn self-control
74.
Buy a pair of running shoes that fit
75.
Learn how to use an SLR camera
76. Help people without being asked
77. Create a typeface
78.
Practice better water use
79. Animate Birdish-Dragonthing full version
80. Beat dad at Risk
81.
Learn more about Bartter syndrome
82.
Go kayaking
83. Play Croquet and eXtreme Croquet
84. Get a kick-a airbrush tattoo
85. Have someone drop me off in a random spot in town and find my way back home
86. Re-season cast iron
87. Completely watch LotR extended editions (WITH all commentary tracks)
88. Go to five concerts
89.
Wander
90. Join/Invite a near stranger for lunch
91. Roundhouse kick!
92. Get a suit like Creepy Thin Man’s
93. Travel out of the country
94.
Paint room
95. Go into isolation for a day
96. Free space
97. Bring back rope boarding
98. Do a hand stand
99. Drive on the coast
100. Save a girl from the rain
101.Take a break
Alright let’s see how my math is at 2 AM. I’ve completed 12/101 things. It’s been a year so 1001-365 is 636 days.
That means 10% of the list has been completed in …wait 63% of the time? That’s over half. That can’t be right. NO! Duh. That’s how much time is left. So 10% of the list done in 36% of the time allotted. I’m 20% behind if you forget all sorts of mathematical rules.
Yeah. I can do this.
I've been noticing something lately.
When I started up with Flickr and Vox, things were cheerful for everyone involved. Maybe it just seemed that way to me because it was new and exciting. Or maybe things were really cheerful.
In any case, the present isn't as cheerful a place. Obviously there has been a lot of things going on the past year that made it hard to blog with a sincere, positive outlook. That's just me. I'm fine with that. But life is going to crap for a lot of people I know on the internets. Life is pretty tough all around. As a result my Vox neighborhood has all but stopped Voxing, and my Flickr friends have had fewer photos to inspire happiness.
The question I'm struggling with is this: Is life worse now, or am I just noticing it? Maybe life is more or less the same but I've become more pessimistic.
...
Nah. Life sucks.
Point being I'm just making an observation for later reference. So in a year or two from now I can say "Oh if only I knew..." or "It wasn't so bad after all".
Today is like any other day. Tomorrow I'm getting something dealt with. I'll be much happier for it.
Unless something goes horrible wrong.
Hm.
Maybe I should write down a list of login information and confessions tonight.
I am a bleeder after all.
Today I'm going to-
Today is Name Your Poison Day. So make a decision and tell us: what's your poison?
Personally I like a smooth glass of foolish daydreaming. I take mine with a bit of wistful self indulgence (the You Think Highly of Yourself, Don't You? brand of course), throughly mixed. After I'm throughly intoxicated I like to wash it down with a shot of Cold Reality as a chaser. On the rocks, of course.
If I had a really bad bender the night before, I'm usually hung over in the kitchen that morning nursing a glass of denial. Usually it's a It Probably Wouldn't Have Worked Out Anyway, but I'll take I Wasn't Really Being Serious if I can get my hands on it.
